It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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