god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There r osticjed everywhere
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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