You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
