The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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