No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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