don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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