I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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