i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
