I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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