Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize