I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
50% drunk capacity currently
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
