My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
if only i could text you this smell
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i out mim tonsoeep
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
