you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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