The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
