In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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