dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I don't think brook has ever known best
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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