Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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