I wish you could order shots online.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
