Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
we should paint friendship bongs
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