Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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