The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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