i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
