Ambien. No doubt about it.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
