i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
