They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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