She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
