the condom got lost in my hair
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
