question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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