hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
