I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
