Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
