You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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