the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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