Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
