but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
