Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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