I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
