she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
