What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
