She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
