First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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