Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
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