the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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