I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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