yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
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