i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
