Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
