So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
