dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
