she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
